Impossible Memories
by exterminatecake
Summary: Memories that aren't your own, a life you never lived. The Naruto universe holds a terrible secret. Mild-to-moderate language, slight future gore.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Yeah, yeah, I rewrote. Don't kill me. **

**What's better about this new story, formerly known as "Have I Ever Told You?"**

**1. Better title.**

**2. Cut out unnesesary (SP? Dx) characters.**

**3. Better grammar and spelling (I love you spell check and grammar lessons!)**

**4. Much better plot.**

**5. Less cliches.**

**Still looking for a beta. Please. Please. PLEASE. *begging***

"Do you think the dress is too short? It's not even a dress, really, just an extra-long t-shirt, well, long-sleeved t-shirt, and I'm not sure if I'm being too skimpy or what…"

I groaned and tipped my head back, closing my eyes. "Just get the freaking dress and get on with it."

Lisa continued rambling on and on about her clothes. "… So I was just going to do the light blue t-shirt dress, I mean, long-sleeved… yeah, and knee-length leggings, does that sound right? Or are the leggings too much? Maybe the graphic tee over…"

"Amy, please deal with her," I muttered to my friend, massaging my temples.

"Long-sleeved t-shirt dress and leggings. Now move your butt," Amy snapped.

Lisa stopped for a second, hurt, and then grinned and shut the changing room door. I rolled my eyes at her door. Lisa can be such a jerk sometimes. Other times, she's just ridiculous. Although I guess that's normal, since she's my little sister. Apparently other people find her quite funny. I don't know why.

The door opened, and Lisa strode out in her normal, overly-obsessed-about-looking-good clothes. "Kate, your turn!" She grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the safety of the changing room area and into the open aisles. She started chatting animatedly, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet. She really isn't very mature. She acts less like the thirteen-year-old she is and more like an eleven-year-old fangirl who just discovered Justin Beiber.

I noticed that a large pile of clothing had accumulated in my arms, seemingly by magic. Lisa grabbed a blue pile that was probably a skirt, and dumped it in my arms. "There. Go change."

I looked distastefully at my pile, noticing a certain color which seemed to dominate the pile. "Blue? Really?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

"Mm-hmm," Lisa grinned. "Blonde, blue-eyed, yup. You're good in blue."

I snorted. "Give me brown hair like yours any day, I hate my hair."

"I'd be happy to trade," Lisa cocked her hip. "It's gorgeous."

"Yeah, well, you try living with crappy pick-up lines and dumb blonde jokes for a day," I muttered.

"PMS much?" Lisa punched my shoulder. "Get changing."

I grumbled and walked into the changing area, rolling my eyes at Amy and Emily, and walked into the stall. I unbuttoned my pants, picked up the clothing at the top of the pile, and made a face. Light blue skirt with green trim. Gag.

Next item. Tanktop. I slipped my shirt over my head. Dark blue, with light blue decal and green trim. _How the hell does she find these matchy-match outfits?_

I looked at the next item. _What. The. Crap._ Light green armwarmers. Vocaloid style, where they look like friggin bellbottoms for your arms. Ugh.

Next, legwarmers. Light green. Utter crap. Gag, gag, gag.

I walked out. "Fine, it all fits, I can look like a freaking dork online, can we go now?"

Amy looked at me. "Hey, not bad, you'll get some good comments."

I groaned. "I still don't see why we're doing this."

"Because I've always wanted to cosplay, and what better way than being our own ninjas? Plus, we haven't used our group Youtube account yet." Emily smiled up at me. "Can I go next?"

"Sure, whatever," I sighed, closing the door.

As I drew my tanktop over my head, I heard Lisa chattering about her hair. "And I was thinking I could do, like, 20 or 30 teeny braids? It would take a while, like, half an hour or so, but it would SO be worth it…"

"Lisa, I swear to god, if you hog the bathroom for half an hour, I'm going to freaking kill you!" I shrieked. I zipped my fly, grabbed my shoes, and stomped out, collapsing on the slippery vinyl chair outside the stalls.

Emily surprised no-one with her slightly dorky and utterly prudish tanktop over long-sleeved shirt and long, flow-y pants. And of course, she had that weird little choker necklace that she almost never took off.

Amy… Well, if you call Amy punk-rock she will kill you with her bare hands. Amy kind of considers punk-rockers as posers just looking for attention. The thing is, what else do you call someone with short, choppy black hair, uneven bangs, and a white streak in said bangs? Someone who almost always wears Converse and is obsessed with fishnets? Who rarely shops anywhere other than local little indie shops and Hot Topic (and denies she shops at Hot Topic, because it's a "stupid, bloated, mass-marketed fakery of a punk-rock store," but likes the clothes so much she can't stay away)? Who makes her own clothes half the time anyway? And dyes her own hair with Manic Panic?

Exactly. So her idea of ninja clothes is fishnet gloves, fishnet tights, and a short, baggy bodysuit with triangle cutouts on the sides. Riiiight, that's _so_ ninja and not punk rock _at all_.

"So… are we going to be like a team? Because there are four of us, and usually there's like 3 to a team in Naruto…" Lisa began.

"So, we'll just be Chunin, right?" I asked. "'Cause Chunin are the ones with four people per team. I think." You might have noticed by now that I'm not exactly the biggest Naruto fan ever.

OK, so I only watched ten episodes in the middle of the damn thing, and then the Chunin Exams got really friggin tedious. Sue me.

"Yeah, but I don't want to wear that vest, those are seriously fugly," Lisa whined at me.

"Fine, how about the class was uneven that year or whatever, now can we just get home already? Mom said we have to clean up ourselves if we want to have this party, and Lisa, your room is horrific."

Emily looked like she was trying not to giggle.

"Well, our bus _will_ be here soon…" Lisa sighed and walked towards the register. "This is going on your credit card, Kate!"

I groaned and reminded myself to check the balance later.

xxx

I scrambled off the bus and run full-tilt down the street, leaving Lisa to do the sedately-walking, I-don't-want-to-mess-up-my-skirt thing. I skidding to a halt, bursting through the door and laughing, "Hi Mom!"

"Hey, sweetie! We're going out tonight, just a heads up. I was going to call you, but you're home now," my mom smiled at me.

"Don't worry, we won't trash the house," I grinned back at her. Little spur-of-the-moment there, but Emily and Amy have stayed over at my house with no parents before. Besides, it's not as if there's anyone else coming over. If it was any more than just us four, Mom might be worried, but we've all known each other since we were in diapers.

She raised an eyebrow. "You'd better not. Anyway, I was on my way out the door, your father's in the car."

I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and ran upstairs to shove my backpack under my bed.

By the time Lisa got to our house, I had already my set my computer up on Hulu, picked up my books off the floor, hung my jacket up, and taken out my trash. I smirked at her. "No, I'm not going to help with your room just because I'm finished with mine. I'm going to read a nice book and check my Facebook comments while you work your butt off down the hall."

"I hate you," she mumbled, stomping off.

"No you dooo-ooon't!" I called after her.

I heard a loud _bang_ and then a yelp as Lisa kicked the exact same spot on the wall that she's kicked every single time she's annoyed at me since she was eight.

I giggled and returned to reading about the gorgeous humanoid alien and his  
Scottish human companion trying to figure out a rather complicated mystery involving Mist (capitalized), a seashore, memory loss, and consumption. Reading about people coughing up their lungs. Lovely.

xxx

Amy grinned and twirled around in front of the camera, showing off her nametag which said "Amaya" on it in big block letters. She had chosen her name with great deliberation, and of course ended up choosing the most stereotypically Japanese name ever. Yay.

My turn. I marched in front of the camera, perched on its cute little tripod. I did my best to look cheerful. Somehow I feel it came out looking more constipated.

And my name. Ugh. I mean really, Kimiko? Is there actually anyone named Kimiko anymore? Seriously.

I freaking hate my outfit.

Emily (Emi on her nametag) grinned and popped in front of the camera. "And that's all, folks! Want to see our original Vocaloid cosplays? Tune in next week!"

She pressed the "off" button on the camera.

Lisa (or, excuse me, _Risa_, according to her stupid nametag) flopped onto my bed and groaned. "Must… Eat…"

"I'll make popcorn," I offered. "You guys choose an anime. If Hulu doesn't have it, I'm pretty sure Google still works."

I walked down the stairs, massaging my temples. Shinobi sandals? Not as comfy as you'd think. Plus we had real ninja stars in out "shuriken" holster, I don't even know why. Now don't kill me or anything, but isn't it easier to just call them ninja stars?

I sighed and got down an instant popcorn bag, sighing in content as a warm, buttery smell filled the kitchen and the machine-gun sound of popcorn popping began. After a second, I bent down to the cupboard under the sink and got out a jumbo bag of M&M's. Yum. Just how we like it.

The microwave bleeped and I opened the door and grabbed the popcorn bag, juggling it from hand to hand. "Ow! Hot! Hot!"

Scissors! My savior! I cut the top of the bag off, getting my face out of the way of the obligatory giant blast of hot air. I carefully held the popcorn bag in one hand, the M&M's in the other, pouring them in like a cocktail waitress at a casino.

Then I heard the scream.

I dropped the M&M's bag. It burst, scattering delicious round candies all over the floor.

"Guys? GUYS?" I ran upstairs, knocking the popcorn bowl over and scattering even more deliciousness all over the floor.

I ran upstairs and nearly crapped my pants.

Emily wasn't there.

And the computer was showing a weird, intricate dance of colors, shapes, forms, numbers… My head hurt while I was looking at it.

Lisa pointed at the screen, obviously terrified. "Th-the screen… it just started doing that and Em-Emily went up to it and poked it… and she got… she like… she disappeared. A-and then we all started scream," she finished sheepishly.

"Oh come on, there's nothing wrong with the computer. I told you to quit changing my screensaver, Lisa, especially just to play a prank." I walked up to the computer and banged on its top. "See? Nothing wr-"

And then _I_ disappeared.

Big whoop.

xxx

As soon as I was sucked into the screen, I started screaming. But I couldn't hear myself.

Then I realized I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't feel _anything_. I wasn't aware of any physical forms. I couldn't even see. Not like when it's pitch-black or all white, just… an absence of color, form, shape. I started to think I had died…

And I was dumped on my head in a classroom. It looked kind of familiar, somehow, but also looked like it was drawn. Except in 3D. Does that make sense?

I looked around, poking the desks and looking at the weird writing on the chalkboard. _Looks like Japanese… Or maybe Chinese? Weird._

I looked around for Emily and found her unconscious, under a desk.

I jumped and fell on my tush as I heard a loud _clang!_

"This is really weird…" someone said. I looked up and saw that the speaker was Amy.

They got sucked through, too. Well then.

Wait. Not quite Amy.

She was _cartoon_ Amy. Drawn in anime style. Except… she was three-dimensional.

Oh. My. God.

Emily blinked and opened her eyes. "K-Kate? Oh my gosh. Look."

Lisa was chattering about random things and almost literally bouncing off the walls. I noticed how much her freckles stood out in anime. "Omigod this is so great where are we I'm so excited hey look I can jump off the desk and nothing happens-"

"Lisa, SHUT UP!" I yelled.

"I just want to get out," Emily said, eyes wide. "How can we get out? I want to see Mom and Dad again…"

"First things first," I said firmly. "We need to figure out where we are."

"Well, we know we're in some sort of anime world, since we're all anime-looking," Lisa said in a surprising moment of saneness.

"Maybe we're in an original anime? Like, one with us as the main characters," Amy said.

"Lisa would be a terrible main character," Emily said, giggling.

"I resent that!" Lisa yelled, shaking her fist. A tic-mark appeared on her temple.

"Lisa, calm it down," I said sternly. "It's bad enough that we don't know where we are, but you being crazy isn't helping."

"Well, fine," Lisa muttered.

"Thank you," I said.

"Maybe… maybe this is all just a dream of some sort?" Emily asked hopefully.

I snorted. "Not unless we're all dreaming the same thing, sweetie. And I highly doubt that's it."

Someone walked by the door and then paused in the doorway. We froze guiltily, hoping they hadn't seen us. "What are you girls doing here? The Academy is closed for the Chunin Exams, and you could get in big trouble for tresspa-Kimiko!"

"Yes?" I asked, then did a double-take. How did he know my fake name? Is my nametag still on?

I checked. Nope.

The man walked in closer through the door-and I gasped.

"You girls are always getting in trouble," Iruka smiled, shaking his head. "Did Risa drag you into this? Or was it one of Emi's misadventures?"

Yeah. Iruka. That guy with the ponytail in Naruto. I think he's supposed to be some sort of teacher, but he was only in the episodes I saw once or twice.

"Actually, Amaya got us lost again," Lisa spoke up, then looked a bit confused.

"I did not!" Amy yelled. "Kimiko _clearly said_-"

"I did not say anything!" I yelled.

"I heard you!" Lisa shot at her.

"Stay out of this, Risa!" Amy put her hands on her hips.

They suddenly stopped, looking confused.

"The third floor is just down the hall and up those stairs," Iruka smiled at us kindly.

Well then. Looks like we have to participate in the Chunin Exams. I seriously hope we can get out of this. I mean, I don't even know the first thing about anime, much less those spell-thingies they do or what I'm supposed to call anyone.

"Let's gooooo!" Lisa yelled, zooming up the hallway.

Mental facepalm ensues.

xxx

Of course, Lisa was off like a shot. Of course. We trudged along behind her until she tripped over the first stair.

"Lisa, be more careful," Amy sighed. "Listen, everyone, remember the names Iruka called you? The ones we used on our nametags? We should probably go by them. I mean, what if other people 'know' us?"

"Agreed," I said, nodding. "They're not even hard to remember, since they're close to our real names." And Kimiko is the most god-awful common name ever. But I didn't say that. Yay, self-control.

Lisa smiled. "You know, Risa is actually the Japanese version of Lisa. Hey Amy, you're a cat!"

I stared at her for a second, then rolled my eyes and chalked it up to Lisa being even crazier than usual. Amy rolled her eyes back.

"No, I'm serious! You're so adorable!"

"…" Now I was starting to get a bit worried. I looked over and saw-Oh. My. God.

Amy is a friggin neko.

Then, Emily spoke up. "You totally have cat ears, Amy."

"What?" She felt the top of her head, squishing one of the ears. "Whoa, you aren't kidding! Holy crap!" Her face contorted into a look halfway between shame and horror.

I stared for thirty solid seconds. "Um… Amy… this is creepy…" They weren't there a second ago, I swear.

I closed my eyes. _Breathe in… And out… In… And out…_

I came back to earth. "OK. So Amy has cat ears."

"How long have you guys been sitting on this?" Amy screeched.

"I kind of just noticed now," I muttered, abashed.

We continued, Amy stomping huffily.

"So," I said. "Are we in Naruto?" _Please say no, please say no, please say no…_

"Ohmigod that would be, like, sooo cool!" Lisa shrieked. "I could, like, walk on water and catch all the fishies doing the fishy stuff!"

"…" Collective silence. Also, some sweatdrops.

"Um…." Emily said. "You already knew that we are, Lisa."

"Oh…" Lisa looked downcast.

"We're. In. Naruto," I deadpanned. "Are you fucking KIDDING ME? This is the worst show in the ENTIRE WORLD and out of the MILLIONS of anime there are out there, we had to be stuck in THIS ONE? We weren't even _watching_ Naruto! Right?"

Lisa grinned sheepishly. "We-elll…"

I stared. "You're kidding me."

"You were putting up Naruto?" Emily asked.

"Lisa!" Amy yelled. "You know how much Kimi and I hate that show! I only got through the first season before my brain threatened to melt into a pile of mush! I swear, that show brought my IQ down fifty points."

"What's done is done," Emily murmured soothingly. "I don't like this any more than you guys do, but since we can't seem to get out of it, let's go take these Chunin Exams. Unless anybody has a better idea?"

They all shook their heads no.

"I mean," Lisa said, "We could go back to the classroom or something, but that wouldn't solve anything, right?"

xxx

So, I officially hate my life.

Emily looked at her watch. "Looks like we'd better go on now. I think it starts soon."

I led the way up the passage, seeing a boy in a green spandex jumpsuit getting beaten up. Dear lord, who is that? Why does he look familiar? Was he in the… Oh, was he that "power of youth" guy?

"There's Rock Lee!" Lisa giggled. "I wanna get an autograph!"

I recognized the name from her constant rants about… hot anime boys? "Lisa," I said gently, "I hate to break it to you, but your three-year crush wears a bright green spandex jumpsuit."

"Duh, I _know_ that," Lisa muttered. "I'm not an idiot. And unlike you, I actually watch the show."

Emi walked up to the two kids guarding the door to the room we apparently needed to go to. "Um, excuse me?" She tapped the boy with spiky brown hair on his shoulder. "We need to get to the third floor, so could you lift the Genjutsu? I'd rather not fight my way through this crowd," she smiled, looking up sweetly.

I looked over at Amy and nudged her. "What the heck is Genjutsu?"

She shrugged and made a _why-the-hell-should-I-know_ face.

The boy snorted. "What a pansy." The sign wavered, showing that we were only on the second floor. _Creepy,_ I thought.

"Hey pretty-girl! Can you take this?" The boy aimed a kick straight at Emily's head, faster than I could see.

"Emi!" Amy shrieked.

"What the _hell_ do they have against her?" I choked.

Emily squeaked and managed to dodge in time, slipping and falling to the ground.

I ran up to her, almost tripping in my haste. "E-Emi, are you alright?" She scrambled to her feet and nodded hastily.

"Hey, hey!" Naruto yelled from the sidelines. "Don't beat up on little girls!"

The boy snorted. "That pansy won't get through the first exam! I was doing sweet little Emi a favor."

"Yes I WILL!" Emily yelled. "You JERK! I know who you are, anyway, and this stupid little 'family feud' shouldn't make ADULTS beat up on KIDS!"

She stopped and looked confused.

"Let's get out of here before we're caught in the middle of something," I murmured.

"It happened again. Just like when Iruka was talking to us… I… I remembered things… But I can't remember them anymore…" Emily whispered.

"Hey, I wanna go see Sasuke getting beaten up by Rock Lee!" Lisa squealed obliviously.

"That's not for a couple of minutes," Amy said.

"I'll say," I said, not actually sure when it was or why Sasuke gets beaten up, "and anyway, we don't want to be late."

Lisa pouted.

We walked.

I started shaking from nervousness.

I sat on the stairs.

Lisa joined me.

I looked over and saw she was crying.

"Something wrong?"

She looked at us. "It's just… this is s-so… real… and… I miss my p-parents… what if we d-die here?"

I hugged her. Amy joined us. She started talking. "Lisa… it'll be OK. We'll get out of here and everything will be fine. I promise nobody will die."

Lisa sniffled and nodded. "I-it's just… I can't deal, you know? I'm t-trying to be c-crazy and funny, j-just like everyone in the anime, but… I'm just so scared…"

I gave my sister a final squeeze and whispered something in her ear. Our own little code-word, reminding us of what's really between us. Us two sisters, the best bond of all.

Amy stood up, and I scrambled to my feet. Lisa took my offered hand, and I helped her up.

We continued.

Emily smiled. We'd finally arrived at the doors. "So, I guess we'd better go through," she said.

"Yup," I agreed.

We stepped through the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Sorry for the wait. Wazzup, bros. Can I call you bros? You're all my bros. And bronettes. **

* * *

The assortment of shinobi murmured and talked loudly, laughing nervously and walking around. Although I wouldn't show it, I was kind of nervous. Screw that, I was really fucking terrified. "So…" I said. "Here we are…"

"Yup," Amy agreed.

I coughed. "Lisa… promise me you won't do anything dumb."

She looked at me. "Since when have I been stupid enough to offend a roomful of Shinobi?"

"Yeah, since when has she been as dumb as Naruto?" Amy snickered. I punched her shoulder.

"Thank you, Miss Obvious." I think. I seriously wish I'd watched the show.

"No problem," she grinned. Then she punched me back. Lisa doubled over in laughter.

I stared at Lisa. "Oh no you di-in't!"

"What?"

"Quit laughing."

"No!"

By now, Emily was laughing her traitorous little butt off. "Screw you all," I muttered.

"_Ooh_, now you've done it," Lisa grinned and threw a crumpled-up piece of paper from the table at me. I zinged a rubber band from my pocket right back. She ducked, and it hit Amy on the ear.

"Oh, come on now…" I grinned nervously as Amy slowly ripped up several pieces of paper from the floor, collecting them in her arms. She grinned evilly and advanced, clutching the armful of paper shreds. "No, really, don't-" Too late. She dumped the entire armful in my hair.

I shrieked and fell on her like a banshee.

"Catfight!" Of course, Emily had to join in.

Then Naruto and the gang came in. Naruto gawked. "What the-"

Sasuke smirked. "Looks like you got competition for the title of Konoha's Biggest Dork."

"Shut up, bastard!"

"Don't talk to Sasuke that way, Naruto!" Sakura had taken matters into her own hands. To say it gently.

"SasuNaru forever!" Lisa screamed. "I totally called it!"

Sasuke snorted. "What an idiot. What does that even mean?"

"Say that to my face, duck-ass, I dare yah!"

"What did you call me?" Sasuke asked, looking dangerous.

"Duck-ass," Lisa said matter-of-a-factly. "And you are most certainly a jerkface."

"Risa," Ino spoke up from behind me, making me jump. "If you weren't my best friend, I would kill you for that."

Sasuke had slipped off in the distraction, probably to get away from the combined double threat of Sakura and Ino.

Lisa made an _oh-god-please-save-me_ face at me. Ino was talking animatedly about flowers. I just smirked and shook my head slightly. I looked around, feeling a sudden urge to say "Pizza buns!" to Kiba.

_What the hell?_

"Pizza buns?" Why do I want to say "Pizza buns?"

A phrase floated to the top of my brain. _"Inside joke…" _I frowned. Inside joke? What?

These can't be my thoughts… Right?

I heard a voice behind me. "Yo, Squirrel Cakes!"

Even as I mentally had no idea what he was talking about, I somehow did, on a deeper level. My body reacted, though my brain didn't know what to do.

"Hey, Pizza Buns!" I grinned and turned around, punched Kiba's shoulder all friendly-like. I hugged him, then stood back. "My God, have you been working out, Kiba? You never do… What's gotten into you lately?"

He looked a bit sheepish. "Yeah, well, my sister's been ragging me."

I snorted. "You should learn to stand up to girls, idiot."

"What, I've been demoted from Pizza Buns?" Kiba grinned at me.

I nodded seriously. "You are no longer worthy of the holy title of Supreme Pizza Deliciousness Emperor of All Baked Goods, Including Buns, AKA Pizza Buns for short."

"Maybe I'll strip you of the title of Goddess of all Squirrels and Cakes."

I snorted again and punched his shoulder. "You do that, and I'll kick your face, mister. I like being Squirrel Cakes."

"I thought you were just telling me to try and stand up to girls for once."

I made a face. "Are you calling me a hypocrite?"

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Aw, c'mon, Kimi… Don't be a jerk."

I sighed. "I was so not being a jerk, jerk."

_Memories…_

_I looked around the classroom, grinning. First day at Ninja Academy, finally. My mom is so strict… I can't believe she didn't let me go here until I was twelve. She even said I couldn't take the Chunin Exams until I'm fourteen! My God, she is ridiculous. I put pink streaks in my hair yesterday, just to provoke a reaction, and the only thing she said was that pink looks good with blond! I mean, really._

_I looked over to the person beside me, and saw a boy with raggedy brown hair and red triangles on his face. I smiled tentatively at him and filed him under my "hang out with later" file in my head. I tend to get along better with boys than girls, but I usually don't talk to them in public… somehow there's always someone who assumes the worst and tells everyone… and then the rumors start going around and half the time your friendship is ruined._

_I looked over to my left and saw a pretty girl with long, black hair and a white streak in her bangs. She was wearing a lot of fishnets and dark colors, and was slumped over on the three-person desk, peering out at the world rather timidly from beneath those bangs. She looked exactly like the kind of person my mom would hate._

_So guess what I did next?_

"_Hey."_

_She looked at me with her wide, scared green eyes. "Hi."_

"_I like your hair," I smiled, hopefully friendly and not creeper…y. _

"_Thanks… I want to get it cut soon, though. I'm Amaya. Who're you?"_

"_Kimiko."_

I jerked away and my breath caught in my throat, my head pounded, I gritted my teeth. _That never happened. It DIDN'T. IT. NEVER. HAPPENED._

Somehow, I wasn't convinced.

"Kimi? You OK, girl?" His voice floated through my consciousness, pounding into my head like a knife, _believe, believe, believe_…

I stumbled through the crowd, tears trying to get through the corners of my eyes. I felt like I was going to throw up, like my head was going to explode, like I was going to die. How could I have memories that never happened? How could I be best friends with Kiba when I barely knew who he was?

Why does everyone seem to know us already?

"Kate? Kate?" A voice.

Arms circled around me protectively, guided me to a table, brought me to sit on the ground. I looked up, saw short black hair and concerned green eyes. "A-Amy?"

"What happened?"

* * *

"No WAY! You can't eat that!" I shrieked at Lisa as she dangled a large, linty wad of gum in front of her mouth. Apparently it had been in her pocket since four in the afternoon.

Come to think of it, it was night-time when we were at home. Why is it mid-morning here?

She popped the disgusting wad into her mouth. "EWWWW!" everyone shrieked. Ino gave Lisa fifty ryo and slapped her a high-five, laughing disgustedly.

I slapped Lisa on the back. "Not bad, missy. Next time I'm daring you to eat a bug."

"Ooh, don't do it!" Emily shrieked.

Amy smirked at us. "Just make sure it isn't a cockroach. They can lay eggs even when they're dead. Read it in the encyclopedia."

And that just goes to show what kind of a girl Amy is.

"Ewwwww!" Lisa yelped. "Sis, I love you, but if you make me eat a cockroach I will kill you with my bare hands!"

Ino snorted. "Lisa, c'mon, you've tried to do that before and it didn't work. Remember the time with the kunai and the shower curtain?"

"Yeah, but that wasn't to Sis, that was to… Oh crap."

Kiba got this _oh-my-freaking-god-I-am-going-to-kill-you_ look on his face. "That was _you_?"

"Uh-oh…" Lisa backed off, hands raised in defense. "It was mostly Naruto's idea…"

"Hey, hey!" the accused blonde yelled. "Don't you dare drag me into this!"

"Oh, c'mon, you helped us! Admit it! You set up the part with the buckets!"

Amy sidled over to me as the argument degraded into a mass hissy fit. I was starting to 'remember' a bit of this prank they were talking about, and it was seriously award-worthy. "You OK?" Amy muttered to me surreptitiously.

"Yeah… I'm good…"

She threw me a sympathetic look. "Well… just stay that way, K? I don't want to see you dead before we even reach the Forest of Death."

"The what now?" That does not sound pleasant.

She smiled at me unpleasantly. "Oh… you'll see…"

Naruto screeched in pain from the corner. "No! No, not my head! Stop!"

I looked around. "So… where's that hot dude with the prematurely grey hair? Isn't he supposed to come over here?"

Amy's face went cold. "Kimik-I mean, Kate… He betrays the entire village and tries to help this pedophile snake-loving dude control Sasuke so that said dude can take over Sasuke's body. He is not 'hot.'"

I blinked. "OK… but what about the established timeline or whatever, shouldn't he come over soon?"

She sighed. "He had just started talking to them when I left to go look for you. Guess he finished by the time we got back."

I noticed that her mouth had tightened into a straight line and that she smirked slightly as she was talking. "… You stalled on purpose didn't you."

"… No?"

I snorted. "You can't fool me, missy! I've known you since I was eight!"

Amaya opened her mouth, presumably to make a snarky comment, but she was cut off by the sudden appearance of a large, imposing man. And I mean literal appearance. There was a _bang_ and a cloud of smoke, and suddenly he was there.

"Thanks for waiting," the man addressed the room, "I am Morino Ibiki, the examiner for the Chuunin Selection Exam's first test."

Oh. He's that dude.

He raised a hand and pointed towards the back of the room. "Hidden Sound guys, stop doing as you please. Do you really want to fail before the test has even started?"

"What happened?" I hissed to Lisa.

"Kabuto came over and totally got pwned by the Hidden Sound dude! It was so awesome!" Lisa chattered excitedly.

"I apologize… This is our first time… We got a bit carried away."

"We didn't do anything like _that_ on our first try!" Lisa crowed at them.

"Risa, shut up." I muttered through the smile I had pasted on my face.

"No, I won't shut up! Y'all are just a bunch of pussy-boys with no backbone! If you really want to pick somebody off, wait until you're allowed to fight! That way it won't get you kicked out!" Ri-_Lisa_ was in full-on rant mode by now. "Besides, picking on someone weaker than yourself just makes you seem like more of a pussy! Y-"

"That is enough!" Ibiki cut through. "You will all go to your assigned seats and _be quiet_!"

We quietly found the seats with our names on them. Lisa was sitting two seats down, beside Gaara. I gulped as I noticed I was sitting _right beside_ the most ruthless killer in the series. Amy was sitting ten-ish seats to my left and three-ish seats behind me. Emily… I couldn't find Emily.

"Fascist dictator," Lisa grumbled. Ibiki glared at her before deciding to let that pass and then continued.

"I suppose that this is as good a time as any to say that there will be no fighting during this exam without permission from your proctor. Also, if permission is given, under no circumstances may you kill your opponent."

"Oh, too bad, I was _really_ hoping to kill another thirteen-year-old kid," I heard Amy quip sarcastically.

"Did I not say there will be no talking?" The proctor folded his arms and gave us all a dark look.

"No, actually, you didn't," I smiled pleasantly.

"She's actually right," Sakura spoke up from across the room. "You didn't say anything about talking or asking questions."

I could tell Ibiki was fighting not to bang his head on the desk. Repeatedly. "There will be no questions from now on, is that understood?"

We all nodded.

"Very well. Now, here are the rules. Each team starts off with…"

I began to tune him out. I got the idea anyway, no cheating, cheating bad, blah blah blah. Plus I've watched this part.

Sort of.

Ish?

I realized that the tests were being passed out and that I had successfully tuned out the entire lecture.

I looked down at the problems.

_What. The. Fuck._

This shit was more confusing than algebra.

I let my head drop onto my desk and felt like weeping.

* * *

"Can I touch it?"

"…"

"Please?"

"…"

"But it's _soooo_ big!"

"…"

"I can make it so much better!"

Gaara continued to make his sand-eyeball, not paying any more attention to my sister.

"You'd better not use it to look up my skirt, that's all."

"Shut up," I hissed at Lisa, who was sitting beside me. Gaara did _not_ look like the sort of person who should be messed with.

Plus these questions were making my head hurt. I had sort of managed to work out a little bit of the first one.

Which is... good?

Right?

* * *

God, Kabuto's creepy. He finished the test in like, ten minutes, and is now being… weird.

I continued scribbling on my headache-inducing paper, pretending to not notice him staring at Amy. Stalker.

Ten minutes to go before the last question is revealed.

I thought that I could get that one right, maybe.

My paper was covered with scribbles and equations and weird doodles of alien forms of chocolate.

I looked at the second question.

_Geometry combined with algebra?_

I sighed and dropped my head on my desk. _Aw, crap._ "Will the insanity ever end?" I muttered to Lisa. "Are we even supposed to be talking? It seems like those dudes in the corner are making notes."

She ignored me and went back to doodling Rock Lee on her paper.

Bitch.

"And… time. The tenth question will now be revealed. But before you get a chance to answer it, you must choose whether to take the question or not."

I frowned, confused. _This has to have been in the anime… I should have watched more carefully._

"If you leave, you automatically fail the test."

This caused an explosion of questions and loud intakes of breath. "Why would you want to fail a test on _purpose_?" Emily asked from her seat—apparently she was sitting next to Sakura.

"Because if you choose to take this question and just one member of your team gets it wrong, then your team will never be able to take the Chunin Exams again!" Ibiki was obviously a drama queen.

Inside my head, I started playing the "I Am The Doctor" theme from Doctor Who. It seemed appropriately dramatic. If only I could actually play it…

"If you are going to leave, please raise your hand now."

I frowned. With all luck, we could leave right now and find a way to get out of this place alive.

But my hand wouldn't move.

_Oh. My. God._

Naruto started to yell out an overly dramatic outburst. "Don't underestimate me! I don't quit and I won't run! I can become Hokage even…"

I tuned out the rest of his sentence and focused on my hand.

"_I'm never going to fail those exams, Amaya! I'll do my best and I'll get us through, I promise."_

_My best friend smiled at me. "We'll all try, Kimiko. And if we ever get the chance to leave the test, are we going to go?"_

_Emi frowned. "Why do you ask that?"_

_Risa jumped up. "I got an inside source! Apparently, during the test, there's a few points in which you can just drop out. Your whole team usually fails, I think…"_

"_Of course not! I'd never do that to you guys!" I laughed and pulled them along. "Now, off to chase another cat! Do they ever give us any other missions?"_

I bit my tongue roughly and snapped out of my reverie.

"Since nobody else seems to want to leave, I'll tell you now. You all pass!"

I blinked, reeling in shock. First the "memory," then this… _This is too much. Get me out of here._

I stared into blank space as people cheered and celebrated, questions were asked, teams high-fived. Ama-_Amy_ came over to me.

"You OK?"

"… I had another one," I whispered to her.

She grimaced. "I just had one, too… When I tried to give up on the test."

We hugged each other tightly. "We need to see if Emily and Lisa are hav-"

I broke off as there was a loud _crash!_ and something burst through the window.

"What the hell?" I shouted.

* * *

**AN: Yeah... I would have updated earlier, but my beta hasn't gotten back to me, and I got tired of wait... Sorry, Nelly! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry D: I promise I won't post a chapter without you looking over it ever again.**

**Sorry if there are any grammar errors! I proofread it three times, but you know. Shit happens.**

**If you don't review, dinosaurs will nom you. Nom. Nom. Nom.**

**Peace out, bros!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: HEY, I DIDN'T UPDATE IN SIX HUNDRED YEARS, DOES THAT MAKE ME COOL?**

**Um... yeah. Anyway. I read over the first two chapters and have pronounced them complete shit, but I'm not rewriting them a second time. SORRY, BITCHES. Love you guys.**

* * *

I immediately rolled under the desk, dragging Lisa with me—I wasn't sure where Amy was in all the chaos, but all I was thinking about was saving my sister.

I looked over towards Lisa to see her laughing hysterically. "What the hell?" I hissed. "There's some sort of ninja attacking us, God only knows why, and you're _laughing_?"

Lisa tried to speak, gasping for breath. "It's… Anko. Pro-" and here she exploded into laughter again. "She's… the next proctor."

I sat there, stunned, and then hit my head on the floor several times. I really should have remembered that.

"Hey! You! Under the desk! Get out from there! This isn't the Academy and you're not allowed to make out under the desks!"

Lisa cracked up again and crawled out, collapsing on the floor and wheezing.

I sheepishly stood up, my face bright red. "She… um… she's my sister. We… well, I… I kind of thought it was an assassination attempt… you know, when you burst through the window. So I was hiding."

Anko frowned. "A likely story."

"Um… it's true?"

* * *

As we walked down the street, all following Anko to the training grounds, I heard the tinny notes of a familiar song coming from my right. I looked over to see Lisa, with her iPhone, playing music.

"Hey! Turn that off!" I hissed furtively.

"Why?" she asked, grinning and dancing a little as she walked. She started singing along. "Tonight we're going hard, hard, ha-ha-ha-"

I grabbed her iPhone and turned it off, then shoved it in my pocket. "Because. You're a horrible singer, Ke$ha is godawful, and they've never seen iPhones here. You'd probably be arrested for witchcraft or something."

Lisa sighed. "Fine. Fine."

I smirked to myself and decided to stay up late playing Pocket God on her phone tonight. Sweet revenge for her dropping my brand-new iPod Touch in the mall fountain last week…

Amy tapped my shoulder. "The Forest of Death's coming up, K."

I shrugged. "Well, if the dumb-ass main character can survive it, why can't we?"

She looked at me like I was an idiot. "Um… because he has the bad-ass Kyuubi inside of him and we only have burritos inside of us?"

Oh. Right. "Well, Sakura's pretty useless and she survives."

"But she had Curse-Mark Sasuke to protect her."

"What-mark-Sasuke?"

She gave me a brief rundown of the basic events that were about to happen. I whistled. "Shit just got _real_."

"Yup. The show wasn't actually that bad, not until—"

Ama-_Amy_ was cut off by Anko yelling at the general vicinity—say, within a hundred miles. Sweet heavens above, that lady is loud.

As she gave us the rules—which I already knew, thanks to Amy—I carefully looked at everyone to see who looked powerful and who didn't. Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji weren't that serious-looking, but I knew that Shikamaru had some serious shit up his sleeve. I knew better than to mess with Gaara or Naruto's team. Maybe one of those Generic Canon Fodder Ninjas in the back?

Before I knew it, we were signing permission sheets.

"Damn. We could get killed," Amy said after reading hers through.

"Ya think?" I said.

Emi looked down, obviously frightened. Well tough titty. We're all scared. No reason for her to turn into a goddamn Fluttershy on us.

OK, that was a bit harsh.

I flopped onto the grass. "Holy cowbags, I am really freaking stressed."

It was Lisa's turn to snort. "Ya think?"

I threw a handful of grass at her. "Hardy-har-har. That didn't even make any sense."

"Did so."

"Shut up, both of you," Amy sighed. She helped Emily up and strode over to turn in our permission sheets. "Get your butts up here, you two," she tossed over her shoulder.

Lisa bounced up and brushed the grass off her leggings. I sighed and dragged myself after them.

* * *

I stood in front of the gate (_wow, was it really this big in the show?_) and steeled myself. _Any second now… the gate will open, everyone will go in… and I'll be in mortal danger._

… _Any minute now._

… _Oh, for God's sake!_

I saw two boys coming up to us. "Emi! Yo! I know you love your friends and all, but get your butt over here so the test can start!"

Emily blinked and assumed an easy smile. "Hey, boys! Sorry about that, I was just telling Amaya how to apply eyeshadow."

The boy on the left shrugged. He was pretty cute—shaggy brown hair and simple clothing. "Whatever, just come on and hang with your team for once in your life."

Emily winked flirtatiously and walked off, her bright red hair bouncing in its cute ponytails. She looked over her shoulder at us and mouthed a "sorry."

There was something wrong with her eyes, but I couldn't figure out what…

Lisa nudged me. "Hey… are her eyes _green_?"

My own eyes widened. "… Whoa."

Amy frowned. "And she was acting so weirdly… all flirtatious and confident. She's never like that."

Before we could say anything else, the gate snapped open and we had to run.

* * *

I paused, my hands resting on my knees, panting. "So… really… can we set up camp or something? I am… really hungry. And I can't… fight… if I'm hungry."

Lisa skidded to a stop beside me, breathing hard and clutching her side. Amy squatted down on a rock. "We probably should… at least eat… I guess," Lisa gasped.

Amy looked around her. "Can't see any food. I'm not hunting."

Lisa frowned. "… Berries?"

I flopped onto a log. "Could be poisonous."

Amy stood up. "Dandelion greens. They're edible, but they taste better cooked. And I have two power bars."

I looked up. "Where've you been keeping them, in your ears?"

She grimaced. "Please. Please don't remind me. I seriously feel like crying."

I just snickered.

"I picked it out for her because it has hidden pockets," Lisa explained. "Thought it could be useful."

I nodded in approval.

Amy tugged on an overhead branch and grinned. "K, can you make us some shelter with these? And Lisa, can you maybe clear some space so that we can make a fire without burning half the forest down?"

Lisa immediately set to work, kicking sticks and leaves out of a circle that she drew with a stick. I pulled some branches down and rested them on top of others, layering it so that we could have some cover when we slept. As an afterthought, I started dragging some loose bits of the underbrush over to make crude "walls." I figured it would be good for camouflage.

Amy sighed hopelessly when she saw my shelter. "Kim-Kate, dearie, could you make it any more obvious that this is a camp? Seriously, the only way you could be more obvious is if you were jumping up and down outside of it, butt-naked, shouting "this is a ninja camp! Come kill us and take our scroll!"

"Speaking of which, what scroll do we have?" Lisa asked. I stayed silent, hurt.

"Heaven," Amy snapped.

Lisa pressed her lips together and muttered something under her breath. She continued lining her fire-clearing-thing with rocks. I scrounged around to find something vaguely like a bowl or a pot, but only found a couple of hollow rocks, nothing big enough to hold water. When I told Amy, she sighed in an over-exaggerated manner and said we'd have to make do with raw dandelion greens.

* * *

I rolled onto my side, uncomfortable. The shelter was a bit more cramped than I had thought.

Which was totally my fault. But whatever.

I still couldn't believe that we hadn't gotten attacked today. Which, you know, was really freaking great, because I was still starving.

But you know. It just seemed… odd.

* * *

We were woken up the next morning by the violent tearing-down of our shelter.

_Well. Here's that attack I so desperately wanted._

I squeezed my eyes shut, furiously hoping that if I pretended I was sleeping, this would all end up having been a dream.

Nope.

I opened my eyes, only to find myself staring into the (admittedly, rather smolder-y) eyes of Sasuke.

Crap. Crapcrapcrap.

"I'd normally just grab the scroll while you lot are sleeping, but the idiot wants to talk to you. I already got the scroll, by the way."

I gulped. What he had just said hadn't made much sense, but I was pretty sure it sounded vaguely menacing. "Um… want a dandelion green?"

* * *

Naruto looked up as we paraded towards him. "Hello, ladies. No worries, we're not onscreen. They're focusing on the InoShikaCho team right now."

I blinked.

Lisa blinked.

Amy looked from side to side, looking like someone desperately trying to escape from a deranged lunatic.

Naruto stretched out on the stump, yawning. "So."

I cocked my head to one side. There was something odd about him… he wasn't moving like normal, his expressions were different… and something about his eyes…

Lisa nudged me and whispered. "Dude. His eyes are _green_."

I took a step back, freaked out. Shit. An imposter.

Naruto raised his hands. "Hey, calm it down, I'm not an imposter. I'm not Naruto, either, but I'm not an imposter."

I tripped over and tree root and fell down on my bum. Lisa backed into a tree, and Amy just stood there, staring him down with her look than she normally reserves for store clerks who won't just shut up and ring up her item.

"Tell. Us. What. You. Mean," she said slowly, deliberately, and oh-so-dangerously.

"Geeze, don't get your panties in a twist," he muttered. "I don't need any more crap today, it took long enough to get Sasuke to get down and Saul to get control back…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

Not-Naruto smiled chillingly at me. "I'm talking about this show. What it is. What it means for us. How it changes you. Forever."

Lisa started to look around, obviously trying to get away.

"Nuh-uh-uh. You're going to listen to me now. Got it?"

He said it so convincingly that we all nodded, not daring to speak.

"Good. Now listen up. You're probably confused, especially after your little friend Emily started going Emi on you. Don't worry, this is normal.

"Actually, do worry. It can kill you."

Seeing the look on our faces, Not-Naruto hastened to explain. "Oh, you wouldn't lose your life. Except you would. If you're not careful, all your memories, all your experiences, everything, will be lost in the memories from the show. You'd have new lives, new names, new personalities—you wouldn't be you. In fact, you wouldn't even be truely experiencing things that happen to you, most people feel like they're locked deep inside their body and can't control what's happening outside."

Amy frowned. "You're still not explaining anything. And anyway, how do you know all this?"

He grinned and made a "pfft" noise. "What, you haven't figured it out? You're even stupider than I thought.."

"Figured what out?" I demanded.

Not-Naruto made a shrugging motion, spreading his hands out. "Don't you see? I'm in the same boat as you."

"But… you're the main character…" Lisa said faintly.

The blonde stretched out and gestured to the ground. "Sit down. It's a long story."

I crossed my legs and shot Amy a _get your ass down here_ look. She sighed and plopped down next to my, adjusting the legs of her jumper-like bodysuit. "Carry on." She crossed her arms.

He nodded. "Well, to start off, my name is Nate. Naruto is the main character, not me. I'm just a body.

"Before I got in here, the show was called 'Sasuke.' It was about Sasuke's path to revenge and it was actually pretty damn good. It was pretty cool to have a protagonist that you wanted to scream 'Quit being an idiot!' at all the time.

"Obviously, that all died when I got in. I, of course, am even more of a Gary Stu than Sasuke."

"See, _someone_ agrees with me," I muttered to Lisa.

Nate ran his fingers through his hair. "So anyway, I have no idea what this was about before Saul showed up. I think it was some sort of indie anime about ninjas, but I honestly don't have a clue."

"Saul?" I asked.

"Sasuke."

"Ah."

"Yeah. So anyway, as soon as I got here, I started experiencing… memories. Things that obviously never happened. I would sometimes do things that I had no control over. I could tell that something was wrong.

"And it was. There's another person sharing my brain, Naruto. He wants control. I have no idea why or how this happens… it just does."

Lisa frowned. "So… why are you telling us this?"

Nate leaned forward slightly, smirking. "Yeah, well, get this; I'm different. I have this… ability. Whenever someone else gets trapped in here, I can sense it. When I meet them, I get a sort of general idea of what effect they're going to have on the show." He turned and pointed to Amy. "For example; your friend here is going to be the new main character. There's a reason she has that hairdo, but I'm not sure what. I get the vague feeling that she's some sort of Jinchuriiki."

I nudged Lisa. "Translation from anime-speak is required."

"A person who holds a tailed beast in his or her body."

"… Oh."

Nate nodded in approval. "Have you noticed how her ears have gotten less prominent over the few hours you've been here? Now they just look like… hmm… did any of you read that one comic, what's its name…? Pandora Hearts?"

I raised my hand half-heartedly. "Yeah. It's not bad. I made everyone else read it, too."

Lisa sighed. "I hated that thing."

"Well, you can see that they're more like the Cheshire Cat's ears… just really oddly shaped hair. That's sort of like the universe realizing, hey! This is impossible! And then fixing it. It happened to me, too; I used to have fox ears, but they changed to whisker marks."

Amy nodded grimly. "Whatever. I'm still killing whoever thought goddamn cat ears were a good idea."

Nate made a choking noise and coughed abruptly. I jumped up. "What? What's wrong? Are you OK?"

He doubled over and made a shooing motion with one hand. "Shoo. Naruto wants out." Nate chomped down on his lip. "Ow… go. Now. When you finish this round, talk to—" he groaned, obviously in pain. "Unh… talk to Sev… say the light sent you… now run along, little girls," Nate managed a pained smirk.

We turned on our heels and ran.

* * *

Lisa turned to me as we skidded to a stop. "What was that about, 'the light sent you?' And Sev?"

I shrugged. "He was in pain and obviously not thinking properly. We should take everything he said with a grain of salt."

Amy nodded. "Some things he said did seem pretty reasonable, and I am perfectly fine with considering them. However, he was acting slightly disturbingly, and so we should not unconditionally believe everything he says."

"But…" Lisa looked down. "I trust him…"

I clapped my sister on the back. "Yeah, sweetie? You're insanely gullible."

She pushed my hand away and walked up ahead of us. "Lisa? Wait… Lisa!" I stomped my foot in frustration. "You can't just walk off! You could get attacked!"

Amy started to run up after her, calling her name. I stood there, torn—our shelter was here, but I couldn't leave my friends…

I ran after my friends.

"Amy!" I called. "Lisa! Wait up, bitches!"

Amy casually flipped me the bird over her shoulder and tripped. "Damnit!" she yelled.

"Watch out!" I yelled. A crap-ton of kunai had come whistling out of the trees—was it a trap?

Amy ducked and rolled, then flipped to her feet and shot me a cocky grin. _What? She can't do that sporty stuff…_

I took a closer look and saw the cause.

Her eyes are normally this gorgeous brown color with flecks of gold. I'd always been jealous; her eyes were so attractive.

Now, though, her eyes were a cold, hard black.

* * *

**AN: Mystery! Plot! Exposition! Cliffhanger! And it's all un-betaed! (PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE HINT.)**

**Someone REALLY needs to take my shift key away. Seriously. Ugh.**


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